What got me through the hard stuff?
I think you mean, what gets me through the hard stuff – like gets me through every single day. Because hard stuff is my new normal. Hard is an average day.
When things are really bad, my favorite way to calm down is to tell myself, “I will die eventually.” That above all helps me feel peace, and that I can take one more step. Warm up one more hot dog. Attempt, one more time to brush my three year old daughter’s hair amid her screaming. She hates it when I comb her hair.
I’m a podcaster, and my listeners get me through. They send me emails telling me how much I helped them – that’s always nice to hear. At Betrayal Trauma Recovery, we help women all over the world recover from their husband’s abuse: lies, porn use, infidelity, gaslighting, emotional abuse, narcissistic behaviors. And even though, I’m supposed to be the expert – I’m just like you. I’m along for the ride. And the ride is rough.
The tools that I use? 12 Step, scripture study, prayer, surrender, self-care, chocolate, movies, Hulu, tiger balm.
Resources? My coach, therapist, sponsor, my mom, my dad, my sister, my many awesome and supportive friends, my colleagues at Betrayal Trauma Recovery. My employees. God (I think). I believe He’s helping me, but sometimes, I’m like, Um, you’re God, can’t you help me a bit more? Sometimes I can feel Him and sometimes I can’t. I don’t know why things are happening the way they are. I’m just trusting that God knows what’s going on and He’s helping. Even on days when I can’t feel it.
My gratitude journal helps. I read from Melody Beattie’s book The Language of Letting Go every morning when I study my scriptures. It helps.
And time. Time has helped a lot. No matter how bad things have been or how bad they get, there is always time. If I can hang on a few more days, months, years, things seem to get better, kind of. Right now, things are amazing:). I love my job, my kids are cute and fun (except for the hair fits), my house is sort-of clean. I just got a new swimsuit from Amazon that fits perfect! I had a great conversation with my best friend. Things are good. I love peaceful, everyday things.
I’m not sure if the worst is over. It might get worse or it might get better. I have no idea. But what I do know, and what brings me peace is that this life won’t last forever. I’ll keep trying, and thank goodness, I will die eventually.
Anne Blythe is the producer and host of the Betrayal Trauma Recovery podcast and founder of Betrayal Trauma Recovery, a 501(c)(3) nonprofit, online ASATS coaching practice for women healing from their husband’s abuse and infidelity. After years of attempting to help her husband recover from his pornography addiction, he was arrested for domestic violence in 2015. Anne seeks to educate women about how to safely and effectively navigate their husband’s abuse and infidelity, as she herself is on the same healing journey. Women have scheduled appointments and join the Betrayal Trauma Recovery Group from all 50 states and over 7 different countries. Anne now lives a relatively peaceful life with her three young children.
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