We strive our whole lives to overcome fear.
Fear of repercussions in relationships.
Fear of never being enough.
Fear of failure.
Fear of pain, both physical and emotional.
Fear of humiliation.
Fear of being alone.
There are so many fears that it’s a wonder we can even function.
I’ve been asked how do you overcome fear? Part of me wants to say, “Hell if I know.” Because it’s scary to uncover fears and most people don’t really want to change. But the other part wants to say, “If you are willing to do the work, it can be done.”
You must be willing to examine your life. Fears come from somewhere. From society, from the people around us, and from our experiences.
The first step is to look at the root of your fears. Many fears originate from childhood. When I was a young I woke up one night to find a hole punched in the bathroom door. Dad had been so stressed from trying to provide for the family that he resorted to physically damaging himself and the doors of our house. Even at this young age I knew that one did not bother Dad, wake up Dad, or talk to Dad when he was like this. He was such a tight wire, that none of us wanted to disappoint him. I worried about him, even as a child, wondering if he would make it sometimes. He was a good father and was doing the best he knew how. Even so I picked up a legion of fears, that didn’t reflect reality.
From this time came the root of: Fear of hard work, Fear of making money, Fear of upsetting people, Fear of talking about problems, Fear of poverty etc. With each fear I have asked myself, “what has been the outcome of this fear?”
Fear of talking about problems has taken a huge toll on my own family. When my husband started drinking, I was so petrified by fear of what might happen should I talk with him – that I pretended that it was not happening for 13 years. When my two sons battled porn addiction, we did not talk about it for 5 years. But then fear multiplied the pain each of us was experiencing. My marriage felt like a prison, my sons had depression and eating issues, my husband didn’t really want to be a part of the family. There is always a choice, but at that time the choice became clear to me. Face the fears or choose the destruction of my family.
I found the root. (Fear of talking about problems.)
Examined the cost. (The destruction of my precious sons and walking on eggshells for the rest of my life.)
Decided on a new belief. (For me it became: I can do all things through Christ.)
Took the first step. (Found the greatness in my husband and sons under layers of addiction. Then decided that I had to show them change, as well as communicating change.)
I am so glad I did.
In the past two years I have overcome multiple fears. It has been a time packed with changes. These have not been easy changes. It has hands down been the hardest and best two years of my life. The outcome has been that my family and I are happier and more unified than we have ever been. Yes, we still have problems. But now we have better patterns and tools to address these issues.
For each of you that have been crippled by fear, be still. Place all fear, mistrust, hopelessness, shame, and betrayal in a holding cell for a moment. Be kind and merciful with yourself. Ask yourself what is the next best step is for you, for your family, for your one life. Then trust your intuition. You know yourself and your circumstances better than anyone. What can you do to infuse your life with love?
Then trust and act.
You’ve got this.
“The Year That Fear Died and Love Danced on it’s Grave.”
By: Carin Fausett